The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 487
Production Info Intro SEGMENT1 * thjere are beautiful women in the mob tonight * Hip-hopketeer ** Kanye West * Operation Humble Kanye * tin can to the ear listen to pac man machine * Kanye twittered the following message ** WHo the fuck is Stephen Colbert * Kanye met Stephen at the 2008 Emmys ** on Stephen like a pair of venetion blind sunglasses *** whispered "I will never forget who the fuck you are" * Kanye is at #4 * Stephen is at #2! * Stephen was declared the voice of this generation, of this decade ** if he disagrees, he must fight Al Roker *** Kanye otherwise Kanye doesn't care about SEGMENT2 * The USA Today says America will face a nuculer or biological attack * all roads lead to Pakistan ** Lashkar-e-Taiba * Stephen recommends India attack New Zealand ** big flying lizards ** rock throwing trees ** fundamentalist trolls * awesome war ** very musical and look awesome * Senator Bob Graham * Commission on the prevention of Terrorism * report: World At Risk * www.preventwmd.gov * we can lower probability of an attack somewhere in the world * 6th largest nuculer arsenal * terrorists * gov unstable * hate India * scare level on a scale of 9-10 ** get out the duct tape * fear vacuum ** it's real! * more likely biological, not nuculer * lock down N&B material ** doesn't leak to terrorists * Bush told the commission they all did heckuva job ** wished Obama well Movies That Are Destroying America * any movie theater can be a drive in if you slam it with yuor hummer * holiday movie addition Yes Man ** Jim Carrey plays a man who decides to say yes to everything * Hollywood pushing its culture of perverseness * socialized medicine * primate voting rights * freaky three ways with a mountain lion and the mailman Revolutionary Road * Kate Winslet & Leonardo DiCaprio * terrible sequel to Titanic; it doesn't explain anything ** how did Jack come back from drowning? ** is Jack a zombie? ** did he not drown because he's Aquaman? ** Where is Bill Paxton? * ruins Titanic franchise * TGI Fridays made the rules for the suburbs: ** buy the house with the white picket fence ** buy one bloomin' onion a week ** when you can't handle the stress at work, climb on the roof with a bottle of Jameson and have a good cry while shooting pigeons * Suburbs have it all ** strip malls ** mini malls ** outlet malls ** shopping plazas ** retail parks ** Superstore retail outlet plaza malls 1947's Miracle on 34th Street * secular left gets into the act * mother of the main character questions existence of Santa Claus * Commrade Kringle sending customers to Schoenfeld's (on Lexington) is socialist ** he's not Santa Claus, he's Chavez Claus * in the final scene, Commrade Kringle is able to prove his sincerity ehen the post office delivers sscks of mail to the courthouse ** once again, big government disrupts the free market with a bailout * this movie is the reason we're in this mess now ** Alan Greenspan saw it when he was an impressionable 40-year old * Next edition: The Nutcracker gets the Colbert Treatment for lurid depiction of mouse on tin soldier action Interview * Nicholas Wade * book: "Before the Dawn: Recovering the Lost History of Our Ancestors" * he can use DNA to grow a woolly mammoth **Stephen gets those spam emails all the time * reconstructing these creatures is all Stephen dreams about * he brought a tooth * new DNA decoding machine to assemble all the bits * elephant with shag carpeting on it * playing God * reason why Noah didn't put it on the ark ** God didn't want it to survive like the unicorn * the woolly mammoth genome cannot be reconstructed, but can be stapled onto elephant DNA * no woolly mammoth mice * wants to bring back the saber tooth tiger ** Neanderthals too * it would be disappointing if we brought them back and they weren't different from us * if we bring them back, they could get their revenge on us killing them * bring back plants too ** so we can learn to survive the next ice age * global warming or ice age? ** scientists can't get their stories straight Epilogue * Dr. Colbert leaves The Heroes with a mystery: will the show return Monday!? ** stay tuned Monday to find out! Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Motherload Videos External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments